Foreign Policy In Focus

Job title(s): president of the Council of Ministers, first secretary of the Central Committee of the Cuban Communist Party, comandante en jefe
Location: Havana, Cuba
Posted by: Partido Comunista de Cuba, (PCC)
Language(s): Spanish, English a plus
Job posted on: February 20, 2008
Areas of Focus: government oversight, public hectoring, military appreciation
Type: Full time, possibly lifetime
Salary: Adjusted for inflation, dollarization and creeping neoliberalism. Health care and residence provided. This position is not in the bargaining unit.
When available: Pretty soon

You may apply for this vacancy announcement by submitting a resume, an Optional Application for State Employment (OF-612) or any other format. You must be a Cuban citizen and over 18 years of age.

Women and minorities encouraged to apply, but don’t get your hopes up.

Job Description

The nation of Cuba is planning a massive restructuring that may or may not actually happen. Possible outcomes: become Chinese-model, free-market police state; acquire banana republic status; enter United States as a county of Florida; limp along without direction; or make the transition to social democracy and prosperity. We want you to be part of this momentous change, or possibly stifle it.

Since 1959, the holder of the position has run Cuba pretty much as he wanted. The ideal applicant will have a strong authoritarian streak tempered with progressive, socialist ideals. Applicant also brings with him/her (probably him) a nostalgic fondness for Marxism/Leninism and Soviet memorabilia.

The president/first secretary/comandante works closely with the Council of State, second secretary of the Cuban Communist Party and chief of the Ministry of the Revolutionary Armed Forces, who may or may not be your brother.

Position Summary

The president/party secretary will have three primary responsibilities:

• Running a country on a tight budget
• Staving off U.S. or U.S.-backed invasions
• Avoiding assassination and coup attempts

Essential Job Functions

• Design and implement long-term national survival techniques; develop new themes and content along party lines; coordinate amity among competing and frequently egotistical factional leaders; preside over tedious ministerial meetings.
• Conduct amicable meetings in Havana with foreign heads of state, many of whom are bombastic, dangerous or unsound of mind.
• Write and deliver interminable public addresses.
• Excoriate the United States.
• Write Granma newspaper gossip column.
• Shoot and upload inspiring photographs to national website.
• Supervise seasonal intern, including training and coordination and monitoring of workload.
• Other duties as assigned

Skills: Ability to analyze complex issues/problems and recommend solutions. PowerPoint a must. Microsoft Word, Excel, Photoshop and WordPress desirable.

Education: Degree unnecessary, but applicant should be conversant in tropical agriculture, international embracing, weaponry, U.S. political studies, baseball, boxing, antique cars, and oratory.